I know I just blew your mind, but get over to Quality Meats (http://qualitymeatsnyc.com/) to try the best best best ice cream cake. But get there fast – before October – because that’s when these puppies are out of stock. Not actual puppies, but you know what I mean. Ice cream. Cake. Delishes.

I headed there last night with two friends, and we were greeted by friendly hosts (despite our slight under-dressing) – given a nice bar table…and attended by a very attentive waiter (every time we turned around to ask a question he was there. It was kind of creepy).

We ordered three of the cakes: Chocolate Covered Grasshopper with a fudge cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream; Toasted Banana S’Mores, covered in toasted marshmallows, bananas, graham cracker chocolate chunk cake and banana chip ice cream; and my personal favorite: Strawberry Shortcake, with light angel food cake, fresh strawberry on top, and strawberries and cream ice cream, and yuzu-yogurt icing.

Now these are no normal dessert. They are massive. They could comprise a meal. They are delectable, delightful, and most of all, very rich. Prepare in advance (not like us – we had an embarassing meal of KFC snacker bowls)…leave room for these. Please.

4.5/5 pats of butter. mmmmm strawberry shortcake…mmmmm…

mmmmmmmmmmm

I went to meet some friends there are couple of weekends ago. We sat outside, served by some good looking, but inattentive waiters, and enjoyed a quiet dinner.  To start, we ordered the cheddar and fontina macaroni and cheese to share. It came out piping hot. It was creamy, cheesy, delicious. I could have licked the bowl, and I think we all came close to actually doing just that.

For my main entree, I got the Baby Spinach salad. I know, salad. boring. But I’ve been working so late lately, and eating really unhealthily, so I needed a detox.  The salad comes with pancetta, a soft poached egg, hen of the woods mushrooms and a honey mustard dressing. It was okay.  There were way way way too many mushrooms. If I never see another hen of the woods mushroom in my life, it would be too soon.  The pancetta was good, but a bit overpowered by the sweetness of the honey mustard. Overall, just not that impressive. However, my friends’ entrees (Mahi Mahi, Steak Salad and Veggie burger) looked decent.  Maybe I was just overzealous in my need for greens.

Overall I’d rate it 3/5 pats of butter. Get the macaroni and cheese. You won’t be disappointed.

ADDENDUM:

Hi, this is Bread and I’d like to add a few things. Cafeteria is one of Chelsea’s most famous restaurants. It’s a staple in the neighborhood. Not only has it been featured in Sex and the City and The City but also boasts a large list of celebrity sightings. Let’s just say that this is a prime people watching/sight-seeing location.  Since I live literally four blocks away, I’ve been here a number of times (both sober and drunk). I can attest to Butter’s Mac and Cheese review. It’s to die for – especially when you’ve had a few tanqueray and tonics in your system.

Usually the service, food, and my overall experience at Cafeteria has been average. On some rare occurrences, I’ve had a little above average time (probably because the waiter is hot). However this past Sunday – shit hit the fan. I went to grab dinner with my best friend and were sat at an awkwardly placed table. I think I would’ve been right up against an electric unit. Even worse was that the table was dirty. When I tried to move the table to be safe from electrocution my hands were met with, what I’m guessing, red wine from under the table. I gasped in horror. My best friend screamed at me to go wash my hands as she demanded to change tables. I rejoined my best friend at our new table after I washed my hands. After what seemed like eternity and a half our waitress came to take our orders. Now, let me just preface that the Cafeteria was not crazy busy. I ordered a Brooklyn lager and the grilled agnus slider while my best friend ordered the Cafeteria burger and a beer (I forgot which one she got). We also ordered water. This is when things got even worse.  Oh, side note, their biscuits are delicious and that dipping sauce that comes with them is not dipping sauce. IT’S BUTTER. Just an fyi so that you don’t dunk your biscuit in it thinking that it’s something else.

After another 2034892 minutes, we finally got our effing beers … but no water. We reminded our waitress that we wanted water. NOTHING. After almost finishing our beers (we were nursing them) our dinner eventually arrived. Our burgers were average. Again, nothing so amazing. I asked the bus boy to bring us water for the second time. Never once did our waitress come back to check on us or GIVE US OUR FREAKING WATERS. When we finished they were prompt on taking our dishes but then we had to wait, AGAIN, to get our waitress to come by and give us our check. After signaling her to do so, we had to wait another century just for her to return. At this point my best friend and I had enough of it. Everything just … fucking sucked (to be blunt).

This is a business card ... not a free drink card.

My best friend ended up asking for the manager. This older gentleman wearing a flamboyant outfit appeared later to see what was up. What was up was that our dinner was fucked. We told him everything what had gone wrong – I was nice (or maybe naive) enough to preface that I had been to Cafeteria multiple times and have had a decent time. He apologized and noted that it was our waitresses first day. He then said that he would give us a free drink card. He left and came back with … HIS EFFING BUSINESS CARD. (1) We call bullshit on the waitresses first day. Why the eff would you  hire an inexperienced person to wait tables at a very popular restaurant? This was not her first day. Bullshit. (2) We call fuckery with the business card shit. Are you serious? Do you think we’re dumb enough to use your business card to come back to the bar and ask for free drinks? “Hi, The manager Jonathan gave me his business card and said it’s for a free drink.” No. That’s fucked up.

We left angry and incredibly dissapointed (plus the people that day were fugly). If you want good service, good food, and a good looking group of diners – go down the street to Elmo. Cafeteria is not worth your time.

Bread Rating: 1 / 5 Slices

I am partly to blame though. I’ve been lucky enough to go to several nice places such as Bar Americain, Elmo, and Tono Sushi … but food comatose (literally) takes over and I become too lazy to write up a review. However, I am determined to change so SUPRISE! I’m reviewing midtown west favorite – Redeye Grill. Last night I had to attend a concert Carnegie Hall for work with my team. Whenever our team had to go to Carnegie it is tradition to go to Redeye because it’s right across the street! Easy access. I have walked by Redeye a number of times when I used to intern in the area. I always thought it was some cheesy diner. Boy was I wrong. Redeye is anything but a diner.

Red Eye!

Redeye is known for their seafood and after my experience – cookies! Right at the hostess stand, there was a big bowl of freshly baked cookies. I was so tempted to dig in and ruin my appetite but I didn’t. Redeye features both indoor and outdoor dining options. We decided to dine indoors (in order to protect our weaves, of course). Once seated and ordered our drinks – I looked around. The venue was bustling with suit and tie i-bankers, families, and european tourists. One side of the restaurant had bookcases occupied by bottles and bottles of wine. The exposed second floor showcased a private glass dining room, and a strange man working on a computer. I couldn’t stop staring at this man because throughout the meal he didn’t budge. He just sat there … typing away.

I ordered a beefsteak tomato, onion, roqueforte cheese salad to start and the Cuban skirt steak for my main course. Mistake! Here’s a tip for you: Never order onions – especially when you’re on a date or have to meet an important client. Hello bad breath! It was too late to change my order when I realized my mistake. I did, however, enjoy the salad. Even though it featured soooooo many onions – the three beefsteak tomato halves were delicious and were topped with so much roqueforte cheese (a tad bit too much). Nonetheless – it was good … almost average.

My main course came and damn – I was suprised at the size of the skirt steak. It was huge – not that I’m complaining or anything. I love me some meat. The steak was tender and cooked perfectly. Even though I ordered it to be cooked ‘rare’ it ended up being ‘medium-rare’. The mojito spices had a delicious aroma. Although I throughly enjoyed the steak, the highlight of the plate was definitely the fried plantains. Cripsy, sweet, and delicious. Of course – there were onions as well. Worst breath ever. Throughout dinner I noticed the various hostesses going from table to table with trays of freshly baked cookies. I couldn’t wait for them to come to our table.

We didn’t order dessert since we were running a bit late. I rushed off to the restroom trying to figure out what to do with my onion breath. Breath mint? Gum? My dilemna was fixed when I found out that the restroom had FREE MOUTHWASH. Thank you Redeye! After a gargle of minty mouthwash I was set to go. I’m guessing during the time I was in mouthwash bliss, my co-workers were treated to the cookie tray. Boo! Next time I guess.

Overall, I enjoyed my time at Redeye. I think I would’ve enjoyed it more if I wasn’t rushed and was preoccupied with my bad breath. I would definitely go back to see if their sushi (WHO KNEW?) was up to par and figure out what the eff that man on the second floor is doing.

Bread Rating: 3.5 / 5 Slices

Naturally, we started with drinks.  I will tell you time and again, I love tequila.  It’s an upper (at least for me it is) and I never feel quite as disgusting after drinking it as any other alcohol.  I ordered the “World Peace” which had tequila, pureed snap peas, and something else sweet that I can’t quite recall (memory loss is a side effect).  It was green, smooth, and delicious – rimmed with a little salt to counteract the sweetness.

We all decided to order appetizers as well as main meals.  After debating over the “Scared Quail” (this was actually “Seared Quail” but mis-read for a while which led to some questions on if they actually scared the quail to death), I decided to try the Sweetbreads. I have never had sweetbreads before, but I decided to be a bit adventurous (after all, I do write a food blog).  They were surprisingly good, and tasted slightly like fried chicken nuggets.  But a little gamier.  I thought they were delicious and everyone who sampled them agreed. But really, anything that is fried cannot be that bad. Maybe bad FOR you, but honestly, delicious.

For the main meal, I opted for the mussels in a parsley butter sauce.  When everyone’s food came out (steaks, burgers, etc.) they looked small, measly, barely enough to survive upon. My bowl of mussels was HUGE and the mussels themselves were HUGE as well.   They came with french fries, which were unfortunately brittle, and hard enough to crack a tooth on. I didn’t realize that was even possible with french fries, but I was proven wrong.  The mussels themselves were good, but I wasn’t a fan of the sauce.  I wanted butter, but it tasted like beer, and mix that in with my tequila drink and I wasn’t exactly pleased with the combination.  I also found my stomach hurting more and more as the meal went on – whether that was due to the mussels or something I had eaten earlier, I’m not sure, but it certainly tainted the meal for me.

All in all, the restaurant is beautiful. It is a nicely lit setting, with intimate tables, and not too loud.  The clientele while we were there were a bit on the older side, which was interesting.  The drinks were definitely the highlight of the meal.

Pats of Butter:  2.5/5

Butter here. Remember me?  No, I haven’t melted away yet, but I have been overburdened with work and dealing with a break-up, so please cut me some slack.  I’ll get it back together.  Also I have many back-entries so keep reading.

Now that the prologue’s complete, here’s the main act.  A few weeks ago, my friend Ben and I were searching for some Thai food in the East Village.  I asked my coworker, a Thai lady, where her favorite place was.  She used to live near St. Mark’s and recommended Tara Thai. 

First impression when we walked in was a small, but quaint restaurant. The waiter was lighting incense in front of a bronze idol and praying when we walked in the door. We could see into the back room and there were two Thai women cooking in the back.  The room was decorated with shadow puppets, which were a delight, and pretty unique from what I’ve seen at other Thai restaurants.

We were seated at a corner table – the waiter was extremely friendly and offered his advice willingly.  We were looking for spicy food, so we ordered a yellow curry, and the Pad Kee Mao.  The food was cooked fresh, and offered to us with some red chili sauce on the side “as insurance” in case the food was not spicy enough.  The food was delicious and affordable, and just enough for two people.  Our waiter was attentive (which was great considering I over-spiced my food and drank and embarrassing amount of water).

We hadn’t really planned on ordering dessert, but when the menu came, we were drawn to bananas and more bananas.  The Banana Roti advertised a banana wrapped in a roti (thicker sort of crepe) that had been fried in butter, and topped with chocolate sauce. We also eyed the fried bananas.  Our waiter told us to get the Banana Roti, which we did, and then surprised us with a free order of the fried bananas – “since you have been so willing to take my advice.” Both were heaven.  The banana roti was like buttery, banana-y, chocolatey delciousness. And the fried bananas were almost like a banana spring roll.  Fried. Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. Topped with honey.

All in all, dinner was delicious.  We are planning a repeat trip…maybe once a week.

Rating: 4/5 Pats of butter.

Tangled Vine Wine Bar ... when not packed

Last Thursday was my 25th birthday and I wet out on a private dinner with my best friend to a brand new wine bar on the upper east side, The Tangled Vine Wine Bar. Tangled Vine has a very large European wine list with a menu that features a Mediterranean inspired, seasonal food.  I arrived around 7:00PM to a wine bar packed with investment banking type of people enjoy glasses of wine and the warm atmosphere. My best friend arrived shortly later and after a few more minutes of waiting – we were finally given seats. Tangled Vine offers two types of seating preferences: communal tables and private tables. Because of how packed the bar was, we decided to stay with the communal table.

What is refreshing about Tangled Vine is that it is determined to change the concept of the wine bar. Most wine bars, while they may have an extensive wine list, serve only small platters, cheeses, tapas. But Tangled Vine breaks away from that mold. Don’t let this new style and cuisine fool you, Tangled is first and foremost a wine bar, clearly evidenced by its 160 wine list, and selection of 30 by the glass. The menu focuses on older wines from Spain, Austria, Italy, Germany and France, and about eighty percent of those wines are organic, biodynamic and sustaining.

Homemade Potato Chips

Along with ordering a glass of “biodynamic, organic, and sustainable” red wine, we got a Braised Kale, Aged Pecorino & Quail Egg crostini, a small bowl of Marinated Spanish Olives,  and some Homemade Potato Chips. First of all – all three appetizers were delicious. As you already know, I’m a big fan of Kale – so the crostini was mouth watering. The chips and olives were perfectly paired with our glasses of red wine. When we finished our glasses, we had a hard time getting our waiter to notice us.  Another minor problem was that when our food was served, the servers had a hard time getting to us because of how packed it was. Thankfully our main course plates were not burning hot. My best friend got the organic veal meatballs  tomato, fresh ricotta, roasted garlic. When I took a small bite I was in heaven. Those balls were so good in my mouth. HA. They were meaty, fresh, and moist. Now, I hate the word moist. I hate hearing it, I hate saying it, I hate everything about it … but it’s the only word that can describe these amazing meatballs. For me, I got the scallops a la plancha  with roasted cauliflower, blood orange, and manzanilla olives. Another heavenly sent dish with six medium sized (and perfectly seared) scallops on top of roasted cauliflower. Cauliflower is another one of my favorite vegetables. My best friend makes the best cauliflower dish. I would post it but it’s too good for me to spill.

I digress. The overall meal was delicious and although Tangled Vine was packed and bustling – the service unfortunately lacked (though the staff was incredible good looking). Oh as for desert, there wasn’t much of an option for us to choose from. I recommend going to Cafe Lalo on 83rd and amsterdam (it’s just two streets away) because that’s what we did.

Bread Rating: 3.5 / 5 Slices

Soup Dumplings

A couple of my friends and I headed over the Shanghai Cafe.  We ordered an order each of dumplings. I was craving some fried spring rolls, so my friend ordered those for us as well (all in Chinese).  We were served tall steaming glasses of tea, and seated at a large table for 10.  For some reason, they seated us directly next to another woman at the table, even though she was the only person there and there were three of us.  The poor lady kept being mistaken for one of our group and they kept trying to give us her food.

One order of soup dumplings came almost immediately, but they left out one of our friend’s orders.  We sat there waiting for a few minutes, while our dumplings became cold, before just deciding to dig in.  They were delicious. Pockets of soup and meat and steamy lovely.  So content.  The only thing that somewhat ruined our meal, is that they brought us Shanghai noodles instead of spring rolls. An argument ensued for a couple minutes during which they said “Spring rolls? Those are going to take FOREVER to make! Can’t you just take the noodles?”  We took the noodles. They were good, but not fried, and did not quite hit the spot. Plus, they were more expensive than the spring rolls (but hey, the total meal was only about $10 each, so really can’t complain too much).

All in all, Shanghai has great food, amazing soup dumplings, but kind of crappy service.  My rating? 2.5/5  for the restaurant; 5/5 for the dumplings.

Colors of the world (Spice up your life)

I arrived a little before my date so I went to the bar (obvi!) and ordered myself an extra dirty vodka martini with three olives. Shortly, my date arrived and we were seated. This time we ate earlier at 7:15 rather than at 9:30. Apparently this was the only available time when my date made the reservation. The exceptionally attentive wait staff were friendly and always on point. We received hot towels to clean our hands and got a bowl of tostito-like chips and spicy dip. In a surprising turn of events, my date decided that we should do the tasting menu. Holler! We each ordered a ginger margarita and unfolded our napkins to prepare for the feast.

Spice Market’s tasting menu is 5 courses featuring 10 distinctive flavors. Essentially we had eight dishes arrive our table throughout the evening. First was the shaved tuna that was paired with chili tapioca, asian pear and lime. This was served in two glass bowls – the larger filled with ice and the smaller containing the tuna. The waiter advised us to use a spoon while eating this dish. The chili tapioca was heaven in my mouth. It worked so well with the shaved tuna. Next came the shrimp tod mon pla with cucumber peanut relish. Tod mon pla’s are basically thai fish cakes. Again, my mouth was in heaven. The fish cakes were light and flavorful. The third dish that arrived our table was the tempura onion rings with avocado, radish and chinese mustard. I loooove avocado and radish. At this point, we ordered another round of ginger margaritas. Three dishes in and I was already satisfied.

The next dish was one of my favorites: spice chicken samosa with cilantro yogurt. These samosa’s were incredible. The small triangle shaped samosa packed a ton of spice and flavor. The breading was perfect – it was flaky but not dry. I could have popped them in my mouth all night. After this dish, the rest of the tasting menu became a little blurry. Maybe it was because we ordered yet another round of ginger margaritas or maybe it was because I was starting to get full. Charred chili rubbed beef skewers was next. They squeezed a slice of lime over our skewers and dipped it into a spicy thai basil sauce. The consistency of the meat was strange. I can’t put my finger on why I was slightly turned off by the beef but the meat just felt funky in my mouth.

After yet another round of margaritas, we both thought that we completed the tasting menu. WRONG. we still had three more dishes. Steam red snapper was next. It wasn’t my personal favorite – my date hated it. It wasn’t that it was cooked badly or had a weird aftertaste. Snapper just isn’t a fish of my choice. While slowly dying from all the food I put in my mouth I glanced around the ginormous restaurant to quickly survey the other eaters. It was then when I let out a little gasp. I spotted ELLE magazine’s creative director Joe Zee. Joe has a career that I hope to have – not to mention he’s incredibly fierce and stylish.

Ugh, now on to the next dish. Even blogging about this right now is making me full. What was next? Oh right, the char grilled chicken. This dish was average. I have a rule when going out to restaurants. Never order chicken. Chicken is for the masses. It’s basic and you can eat/get it anywhere and everywhere. So remember that fellow foodies. Pass on the chicken and order something you can’t make because why else are you eating out?

Ovaltine Kulfi

The last dish was ginger fried rice. The rice had an over easy egg on top, which reminded me of  korean fried rice – bi bim bop (my favorite!). I unfortunately couldn’t enjoy the rice as much as I should have because I was incredibly full. However, I did have room for another margarita. For dessert, my date and I shared the ovaltine kulfi.Kulfi is a popular flavored frozen dessert made from milk. While it resembles ice cream, it is not! Unlike ice cream, kulfi is not whipped. This results in a solid, dense frozen dessert similar to custard.

Overall, the tasting menu was delicious but was so incredibly large. I don’t think I adequately prepared myself to be eating so many dishes. Remember to pace yourself when doing the tasting menu or else you’ll fade away after the fifth dish like me. I guess I have a new goal – build up my food stamina … and learn how to many a ginger margarita.

Bread Rating: 4 / 5 Slices